The Simples
I have been taking a journey back to the simples of my faith and trying to just get back at the core of why and what it means to be a Christ follower. Sometimes I believe I get so caught up in the deep that I lose sight of the Simple. I have been reading a Book called "The Spirit of Disciplines- understanding how God changes lives" by Dallas Willard. He is painting the picture of the importance of spiritual disciplines and the growth and power that that has in our daily lives. Sometimes Fundamentals are not given enough weight and value, and the power that they hold. Some how in all this the church has painted the deeds of our lives as not as valuable as the faith that we hold. But I believe that as James has put it so clearly it say this- 'But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. James 2:18' the deeds of our lives are not as much about what we do, but they are a reflection of our heart and faith as we choose to follow Christ. We have deeds not because we are trying to earn anything but because our faith in Christ produces Fruit that in turn will be called deeds. There are so many Christians today that have lives that are powerless and really live no different than those who profess no belief in Christ at all. These disciplines have been looked down upon as things you do to earn Salvation, but what I am learning is that these disciplines are the very things that bring us to what I believe Christ came to fulfill and that is "life in abundance". I think that if we really get a true understanding of lets say, the power of prayer, the reading of gods word, fasting, worship, and things of this nature we will begin to realize that they are more for our good than anything else. God doesn't need any of things to be God, he just is. These things are what bring us to life and free us from the things that kill our hearts. God is for us and the power of these disciplines, are to bring us to a place of what it means to be apart of the kingdom of God. I believe that if our motives are just one thing and that is to please God then the power of this Gospel will do great things in our lives. So look at it this way, I read my word not because I was told to but because I believe that it pleases my father and that it is by the truth and truth alone that sets are hearts free. I read it because I have put my faith in something that is much great than my self! I pray not because I need something but because it brings me closer to the heart of God, And it is at his heart that we find the answers to all that plague our lives.
Trains, Planes, and pot smokings hippies!!
this is another old post that I thought was worthy of a revisit.
So here I am again, sitting on another over filled flight. Unhappy people all around me, you know that feeling of sitting next to some random person you don't know, with no room to move. All around are babies crying, and "that" little kid kicking the back of your seat. Wondering what am I doing here? Flying has become a way of life for me. Always flying to the next city. Always far from home, in fact home has not been seen now for almost two months. Missing it, missing life when it stood still.
You see life has not always been like this. Music is not something I have been doing for years and years. I never wrote songs cause I wanted people to listen to them. I Just wrote cause it was a way to release all the stuff that is bottled up in side of me. It's my way of telling God how I feel. I just express my feelings best in song. Maybe that is why you are here. Maybe you felt connected to the words and feeling of the songs and so found your self here, reading my blog. I try to think up reasons of why people listen to my music. There is better music out there. Maybe I have found a fad and well I am here today and gone tomorrow.
Who knows really? Life is so funny sometimes. It's so unknown. How we go from point A and end up on point B is so beyond me. The journey is so unknown. Maybe that is what makes it so exciting. The discovery of ones self, the Finding of your beliefs and deciding to have faith in something. It is crazy how it all works.
I remember back to the age of twenty and my young carefree way of living. Not really thinking to far ahead but taking life and enjoying it as it came. Life was always an adventure. I had this love to go new places, well had is a bad word to put there cause I still do. So yeah, I love to travel. I didn't have a car so well I would throw up the thumb and wait for some random chap to say, "Hey I think I want to give that guy a ride".
It is amazing the type of people that will pick up a random stranger. Usually they are completely crazy or its some hippie guy that had smoked way to much pot, that I was wondering how is it that he can still drive or some girl that was feeling sorry for my baby like face And was like " he looks harmless" or you no the pastor that was like "I am going to save this random traveler from death to life in the matter of a hour or more". Those were the typical people that I would encounter.
On this particular day it was a young hippie Kid, and quite an interesting one at that. He was rather high and lacking a lot of sleep so I could tell you that, my life flashed in before my eyes a couple of times. He picked me up on my way to Bend Or. I was heading home to see the folks. He was full of stories and interesting ideas. he kept telling about how if you held a rock and listened to it you could find its energy. He kept explaining to me his way of seeing things and how life was exciting to him. Telling me about his life and how God is real to him. He talked about the rush of jumping into ice-cold water and the shock value that that would bring to ones body. He called it "a natural way to wake up". As I sat and listen to this guys stories and watch his face light up when he talk about something he really loved, he taught me something. He taught me to live my life with passion and love. That it is better to live positive than to find the negitive in your everyday. That sometimes you can see both but it is a matter of which one you choose to walk in. I might not agree with everything he stood for but that is again the beauty of life. He found joy in the things that God had created. I found that refreshing.
I feel sorry for people that try to put life and God into a box. Thinking they have it all figured out. Thinking that somehow cause they have read a few books they have some corner on life that others don't have. If life has taught me anything it is that the older I get the dumber I really am. It is by grace that we have walked this far and it will be grace that walks us the rest of the way home.
So here I am again, sitting on another over filled flight. Unhappy people all around me, you know that feeling of sitting next to some random person you don't know, with no room to move. All around are babies crying, and "that" little kid kicking the back of your seat. Wondering what am I doing here? Flying has become a way of life for me. Always flying to the next city. Always far from home, in fact home has not been seen now for almost two months. Missing it, missing life when it stood still.
You see life has not always been like this. Music is not something I have been doing for years and years. I never wrote songs cause I wanted people to listen to them. I Just wrote cause it was a way to release all the stuff that is bottled up in side of me. It's my way of telling God how I feel. I just express my feelings best in song. Maybe that is why you are here. Maybe you felt connected to the words and feeling of the songs and so found your self here, reading my blog. I try to think up reasons of why people listen to my music. There is better music out there. Maybe I have found a fad and well I am here today and gone tomorrow.
Who knows really? Life is so funny sometimes. It's so unknown. How we go from point A and end up on point B is so beyond me. The journey is so unknown. Maybe that is what makes it so exciting. The discovery of ones self, the Finding of your beliefs and deciding to have faith in something. It is crazy how it all works.
I remember back to the age of twenty and my young carefree way of living. Not really thinking to far ahead but taking life and enjoying it as it came. Life was always an adventure. I had this love to go new places, well had is a bad word to put there cause I still do. So yeah, I love to travel. I didn't have a car so well I would throw up the thumb and wait for some random chap to say, "Hey I think I want to give that guy a ride".
It is amazing the type of people that will pick up a random stranger. Usually they are completely crazy or its some hippie guy that had smoked way to much pot, that I was wondering how is it that he can still drive or some girl that was feeling sorry for my baby like face And was like " he looks harmless" or you no the pastor that was like "I am going to save this random traveler from death to life in the matter of a hour or more". Those were the typical people that I would encounter.
On this particular day it was a young hippie Kid, and quite an interesting one at that. He was rather high and lacking a lot of sleep so I could tell you that, my life flashed in before my eyes a couple of times. He picked me up on my way to Bend Or. I was heading home to see the folks. He was full of stories and interesting ideas. he kept telling about how if you held a rock and listened to it you could find its energy. He kept explaining to me his way of seeing things and how life was exciting to him. Telling me about his life and how God is real to him. He talked about the rush of jumping into ice-cold water and the shock value that that would bring to ones body. He called it "a natural way to wake up". As I sat and listen to this guys stories and watch his face light up when he talk about something he really loved, he taught me something. He taught me to live my life with passion and love. That it is better to live positive than to find the negitive in your everyday. That sometimes you can see both but it is a matter of which one you choose to walk in. I might not agree with everything he stood for but that is again the beauty of life. He found joy in the things that God had created. I found that refreshing.
I feel sorry for people that try to put life and God into a box. Thinking they have it all figured out. Thinking that somehow cause they have read a few books they have some corner on life that others don't have. If life has taught me anything it is that the older I get the dumber I really am. It is by grace that we have walked this far and it will be grace that walks us the rest of the way home.
Sucker Punched
A couple days ago I received some news that hit me so hard I truly felt I could not breath. The pain was way over my head. My mind started racing and thinking to my self that I didn't know how to handle the blow of what i had just been given. As I wrestle for 2 days with anger and hurt, trying not to be bitter and choosing to walk in what we are called to walk in, that being forgiveness. it is one thing to claim we can forgive but is really different to lay down your pain and choose love. You could say that Good Friday this year was the realest it has ever been. That i truly felt a death of sorts. But as I sit here today focusing on the Risen Savior I am reminded that the reason Jesus died was for the breaking of sin and pain and death. I stand here today believing on the name of our lord Jesus, knowing that he is the only one who can save us from our messy lives.
I spent this Easter very alone. I longed today for family more than I have ever longed, but knowing that some how everything is going to be OK. Gods love does not change no matter the storms that life throw our way. Today I prayed and prayed that God would rise in me and in all of you. That his realness and truth would burst forth and life would be new.
I covet your prayers so much! I don't know how to face the storm that lay in front of me.
if you can find the time to lift my life up, I ask that you pray Gods Strength in me that I might walk upright and to choose righteousness in the storms that I know I am going to soon battle my way through.
thanks much
I spent this Easter very alone. I longed today for family more than I have ever longed, but knowing that some how everything is going to be OK. Gods love does not change no matter the storms that life throw our way. Today I prayed and prayed that God would rise in me and in all of you. That his realness and truth would burst forth and life would be new.
I covet your prayers so much! I don't know how to face the storm that lay in front of me.
if you can find the time to lift my life up, I ask that you pray Gods Strength in me that I might walk upright and to choose righteousness in the storms that I know I am going to soon battle my way through.
thanks much
Masterpiece
Tonight I watched Forest Gump and I would say that it has been a long while since I had seen it. I do say a great movie, and I think I had forgotten how good it really was. As I found myself lost in the character of Tom Hanks, my heart fell victim to his simply way of life. Live life honest and full and never look back wishing you would had done this or that. There is something about a good story that brings hope to our lives and stirs something deeper inside of us, or at least in me.
I wept all through the movie, not because of the story of Forest Gump but because of the story of my own life. I was saddened tonight at the fact that I sometimes just shut off. That I let my life go into what I would call, Autopilot. I am coming to the realization that sometimes to face the truth, it hurts, and it hurts a lot, and in order to heal and over come we have to face the mountains that lay before us. Just sometimes it is easier to not feel or least that is the lie that tempts us.
I want to love myself! That is in a way that says that I am satisfied with whom God has made me to be. I am learning that in order to love others we must first learn to love our selves. That until we feel true value of who we are there is no way we can see value in other people. I believe that is why the bible teaches us to love others the way we would love ourselves.
I was talking with a good friend tonight about the way we see ourselves. About how that view alters the way we live and the things we do. If we feel small or dumb, useless or ugly it affects how we act and the life we live. Yet if we feel beautiful and loved we radiate with joy for there is nothing better in the world than to be fully loved. I am trying to let the love of God penetrate my hardened heart. You see I have a hard time seeing the good in myself. I struggle with the view of who I am more than you would ever know. You might think that because I stand on a stage that somehow I am granted some kind of bubble the shields me from all the impaling hurts this life throws at us but it is far from the truth. I am insecure and scared just like the rest of us that is if we really get honest with our selves.
But the truth is that we are perfectly and wonderfully made in the image of God. That regardless of our history and our fault that God still sees the potential of greatness within our human shells. We are the making of his hands and the wonder and glory of who he is.
We are his masterpiece!
I wept all through the movie, not because of the story of Forest Gump but because of the story of my own life. I was saddened tonight at the fact that I sometimes just shut off. That I let my life go into what I would call, Autopilot. I am coming to the realization that sometimes to face the truth, it hurts, and it hurts a lot, and in order to heal and over come we have to face the mountains that lay before us. Just sometimes it is easier to not feel or least that is the lie that tempts us.
I want to love myself! That is in a way that says that I am satisfied with whom God has made me to be. I am learning that in order to love others we must first learn to love our selves. That until we feel true value of who we are there is no way we can see value in other people. I believe that is why the bible teaches us to love others the way we would love ourselves.
I was talking with a good friend tonight about the way we see ourselves. About how that view alters the way we live and the things we do. If we feel small or dumb, useless or ugly it affects how we act and the life we live. Yet if we feel beautiful and loved we radiate with joy for there is nothing better in the world than to be fully loved. I am trying to let the love of God penetrate my hardened heart. You see I have a hard time seeing the good in myself. I struggle with the view of who I am more than you would ever know. You might think that because I stand on a stage that somehow I am granted some kind of bubble the shields me from all the impaling hurts this life throws at us but it is far from the truth. I am insecure and scared just like the rest of us that is if we really get honest with our selves.
But the truth is that we are perfectly and wonderfully made in the image of God. That regardless of our history and our fault that God still sees the potential of greatness within our human shells. We are the making of his hands and the wonder and glory of who he is.
We are his masterpiece!
Unfailing
"That according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith- that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
And now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. To him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through out all generations, forever and ever, amen." Ephesians 3:16-21
I was reading in my journal this morning and came across this scripture out of Ephesians. Sometimes it's hard for me to rest in the fact that God loves us perfectly. I know my sin and selfishness all to well, and if it were me, I would not find a place of love for myself. It is incredible to me that God finds us lovely. That some how he can see through our mess and see something that is beautiful and without blemish, and what I think is even more amazing is the fact that his love for us is the very thing that brings him glory. There is nothing that we have done, or that we are doing or even that we are going to do that can separate us from the love and glory of God.
Jesus please forgive us of our messy lives, and our inability to love fully. Please give us the grace to rest in the fact that it is by you and your glory only that we might find life. I give you my life today and pray that I have the strength and courage to lay down my life tomorrow and everyday after. I pray for strength to trust in your unfailing love. I ask for your shelter from the lies of this world and the clarity to see the truth that only you give. I ask for joy to rise in our hearts that our lives might become pictures of an unfailing love, and an unfailing God. Let us boast only in the cross that has conquered all death and let your love transform our minds to see the world through your eyes. Amen!
And now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. To him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus through out all generations, forever and ever, amen." Ephesians 3:16-21
I was reading in my journal this morning and came across this scripture out of Ephesians. Sometimes it's hard for me to rest in the fact that God loves us perfectly. I know my sin and selfishness all to well, and if it were me, I would not find a place of love for myself. It is incredible to me that God finds us lovely. That some how he can see through our mess and see something that is beautiful and without blemish, and what I think is even more amazing is the fact that his love for us is the very thing that brings him glory. There is nothing that we have done, or that we are doing or even that we are going to do that can separate us from the love and glory of God.
Jesus please forgive us of our messy lives, and our inability to love fully. Please give us the grace to rest in the fact that it is by you and your glory only that we might find life. I give you my life today and pray that I have the strength and courage to lay down my life tomorrow and everyday after. I pray for strength to trust in your unfailing love. I ask for your shelter from the lies of this world and the clarity to see the truth that only you give. I ask for joy to rise in our hearts that our lives might become pictures of an unfailing love, and an unfailing God. Let us boast only in the cross that has conquered all death and let your love transform our minds to see the world through your eyes. Amen!
Winters End!
A couple days ago I was in the kitchen when I heard Cohen screaming "dada" I rushed to see what it was he was yelling about and low and behold I found Cohen with my Wallet. He had found it laying on the coffee table and started pulling out my cards and well found my Drivers License and was joyfully waving the license in the air yelling "dada". He was so enamored with the fact that my picture was on this card. The wheels had started turning and he wanted so badly to inform me that I was on this tiny little piece of plastic. Sometimes I wish I could get in his head to see what the discovery process of his little mind looks like. If something could ever melt your heart it is the joy and love of a little human excited about who you are. I fear for the day that daddy is not as exciting as he had once thought him to be. But for now I will take what ever I can get.
Cohen is such a little love bug. Sometimes I will be sitting on the couch and he will climb up next to me in just start impaling me with hugs and kisses. He will give me the biggest hug then stand up and just giggle as if he some how knew I needed just that very thing. The joy God is bringing me through him is so undeserved and yet so needed all at the same time. God is healing my lack of a father through the fathering of my own son.
This last week has been a melting of the heart kind of week. I feel that spring has finally come and the winter's ice is starting to finally melt away. My heart has been in a very cold place for a while and I would have to say that I have found my self very angry with God. But know matter how much I want to stay angry, when he chooses to come in the anger just seems to melt away and all that is left is a very hungry heart that is longing for more of the father's warmth. He has been whispering sweet words into my heart and mind, the gentle "I love you" and the "hang in there kiddo, I will never leave you nor forsake you". My life has felt like a hurricane now for over a year. I have found myself screaming to God, "where are you", "why won't you show up and heal this mess". I don't understand God by a long shot but he never fails to show up. Sometimes it is just not on my timing, well most of the time it is not on my timing. But I stand here in the warm spring day with a hunger of God's love saying, "I am yours, all of me, anything and everything, I belong to you".
Cohen is such a little love bug. Sometimes I will be sitting on the couch and he will climb up next to me in just start impaling me with hugs and kisses. He will give me the biggest hug then stand up and just giggle as if he some how knew I needed just that very thing. The joy God is bringing me through him is so undeserved and yet so needed all at the same time. God is healing my lack of a father through the fathering of my own son.
This last week has been a melting of the heart kind of week. I feel that spring has finally come and the winter's ice is starting to finally melt away. My heart has been in a very cold place for a while and I would have to say that I have found my self very angry with God. But know matter how much I want to stay angry, when he chooses to come in the anger just seems to melt away and all that is left is a very hungry heart that is longing for more of the father's warmth. He has been whispering sweet words into my heart and mind, the gentle "I love you" and the "hang in there kiddo, I will never leave you nor forsake you". My life has felt like a hurricane now for over a year. I have found myself screaming to God, "where are you", "why won't you show up and heal this mess". I don't understand God by a long shot but he never fails to show up. Sometimes it is just not on my timing, well most of the time it is not on my timing. But I stand here in the warm spring day with a hunger of God's love saying, "I am yours, all of me, anything and everything, I belong to you".
An Underwater Bliss
I don't know if I have ever confessed this but I collect rare cichlid. For those of you who don't know what a cichlid is, it's a breed of fish that is usually imported from either Africa or South America. Now there are cichlids found all over the world but the types that I like are mostly found in lake Tanganyika in Africa. I love them for their color and weird behaviors. They very territorial fish and do all sorts of dances to gain dominance over the other fish. They are very beautiful fish to watch. I have always loved fish and have had tanks the bigger part of my life. In fact before the whole music gig, I wanted to be a marine biologist. I can stare at fish for hours. I make a trip to the local fish store 2-3 times a week just to see if they got any cool new fish in that I have never seen before and to pick the fish mans brain (AKA Gabe).
Now if you don't know who Gabe is you need to stop reading this and go back and read the post right before this. And it will answer all your million questions.
Gabe has got to be one of the most knowledgeable people on fish I have ever met. He knows everything you could think of about them, from breeding to PH to types of fish. He is so knowledgeable that you can show him random pictures of pretty much any fish and he will not only name it off but can tell you its scientific name as well. He must read fish encyclopedias for fun or something. I am way impressed with his fish knowledge. I would go in and pick his brain so much it is how we became friends. He coaches me on how to set up their true habitats so that I can get the best color and activity out of my cichlids and I in exchange am introducing him to the creator of which he is so enamored by.
I think that if I were to be any type of creature it would have to be some kind of fish. Their world to me is almost surreal it is so beautiful.
I find that things like this are the very things that show me that God exists. I can't stare into this world and believe it just happened, no matter how hard I try. It is just to perfect to be some random act of chance. All are free to believe what they may but for me God is in everything, it is just a matter of whether you look for him or not. I know if one looks long enough they are bound to find the presence of greatness.
I say that next time you are stressed you take a trip down to the local fish store and just stare at the little slimy scaly fishes and let your mind wonder about a world that is different than your own.
Cheers
Shawn
Now if you don't know who Gabe is you need to stop reading this and go back and read the post right before this. And it will answer all your million questions.
Gabe has got to be one of the most knowledgeable people on fish I have ever met. He knows everything you could think of about them, from breeding to PH to types of fish. He is so knowledgeable that you can show him random pictures of pretty much any fish and he will not only name it off but can tell you its scientific name as well. He must read fish encyclopedias for fun or something. I am way impressed with his fish knowledge. I would go in and pick his brain so much it is how we became friends. He coaches me on how to set up their true habitats so that I can get the best color and activity out of my cichlids and I in exchange am introducing him to the creator of which he is so enamored by.
I think that if I were to be any type of creature it would have to be some kind of fish. Their world to me is almost surreal it is so beautiful.
I find that things like this are the very things that show me that God exists. I can't stare into this world and believe it just happened, no matter how hard I try. It is just to perfect to be some random act of chance. All are free to believe what they may but for me God is in everything, it is just a matter of whether you look for him or not. I know if one looks long enough they are bound to find the presence of greatness.
I say that next time you are stressed you take a trip down to the local fish store and just stare at the little slimy scaly fishes and let your mind wonder about a world that is different than your own.
Cheers
Shawn
The Alaskian Transplant
Recently I have made a new friend. I am coming to the conclusion that friends are far and few between in this little town in OH. I have been here now almost 6 months and this is the first guy I have had any kind of connection with. His name is Gabe, and he is from Alaska. I think that that was it. When he told me he was from Alaska I was like I think I like this guy already. Alaska in my opinion is just a more rugged extension of the North West. He has got to like some of the same things as me. I mean what is there to do in Alaska, drink coffee, go fishing, and enjoy the great outdoors, and well sure enough that is the way of it. We both like about the same things. Kind of a kindred spirit of sorts, yet one major difference between the two of us. He is very bitter towards God and I well Love him deeply.
He came over yesterday and we talked about life for a couple hours. Some how we got on the conversation of God and how he felt about him. He seemed rather angry and when he started to explain why, I couldn't really blame him. I guess that his girl friends brother had told him over Christmas dinner one year that because he was raised catholic he was going to hell. Wow!! He began to describe him to me and I thought to my self that if this is what it means to be a Christian then no wonder so many hate us. He says that he is married yet still lives at home with his wife. That they feel called to not work and live off of his parents in the name of ministry, but he really does nothing I guess. His way of things is well to tell you about everything you are doing wrong and how everything he is doing is right. He told me about how harsh and unfriendly he is. He told me how he doesn't like the fact that he is dating his sister cause he doesn't have the same beliefs as him. I am like where does love fall in to this? Aren't we called to love people? I wanted to just apologize over and over for the pour encounter of Christ followers this guy had come in contact with. I fear this story is way to common.
He told me about His best friends death and how he didn't understand how God could take away someone that was such a good person. I just sat there and listened, knowing that this guy just needs someone to love him. Someone to care for his heart and his life, I could tell he was dieing to just share his thoughts with someone. I am not really sure how close we will be but I am glad that I at least get to be, hopefully a friend in his life.
He came over yesterday and we talked about life for a couple hours. Some how we got on the conversation of God and how he felt about him. He seemed rather angry and when he started to explain why, I couldn't really blame him. I guess that his girl friends brother had told him over Christmas dinner one year that because he was raised catholic he was going to hell. Wow!! He began to describe him to me and I thought to my self that if this is what it means to be a Christian then no wonder so many hate us. He says that he is married yet still lives at home with his wife. That they feel called to not work and live off of his parents in the name of ministry, but he really does nothing I guess. His way of things is well to tell you about everything you are doing wrong and how everything he is doing is right. He told me about how harsh and unfriendly he is. He told me how he doesn't like the fact that he is dating his sister cause he doesn't have the same beliefs as him. I am like where does love fall in to this? Aren't we called to love people? I wanted to just apologize over and over for the pour encounter of Christ followers this guy had come in contact with. I fear this story is way to common.
He told me about His best friends death and how he didn't understand how God could take away someone that was such a good person. I just sat there and listened, knowing that this guy just needs someone to love him. Someone to care for his heart and his life, I could tell he was dieing to just share his thoughts with someone. I am not really sure how close we will be but I am glad that I at least get to be, hopefully a friend in his life.
Surfing Frenzy
So I went to Hawaii a couple of weeks ago and got some pics for you all. now don't be jealous when you see my hunk of a bod!!
enjoy
Shawn
enjoy
Shawn
The Water Within
I have been I guess you could say a tear factory as of lately. Seems like it doesn't take much to send me into a heavy cry. Sometimes it is just ridiculous what starts it. I was watching "House" the other night and I swear I cried for a better half of the show, now granted it was a quite sad episode but never the less the tears just kept a coming. It was about a little girl who had cancer and her courage to fight and find the best of the day, it was well moving me. I don't know what it is about people concurring obstacles and over coming hardships that are so empowering. Deep down in us whether we want to admit it, we long to see others succeed. And when we do well for me, the tears just start pouring.
I have always been a crier, every since I was a little boy. My soul and spirit are very sensitive to things, and I can't watch TV without bursting into a water hose. I use to think it was a bad thing and hate the fact that I couldn't control it. I was teased a bigger part of my life because of how sensitive I was. But I have come to a place of embracing the fact that it is just who I am. Most of the time it is a weird joy-giving cry. A cry that somehow I believe is healing the wounds within.
Crying is such a weird thing, you know? Your body or mind feels something so much that it convulses and spits water from you r eyes. That you lose all composer and crumble, it is quite a mystery. The bible even says that Christ cried. I wonder what that would have sounded like. What would the God of all, sound like weeping his pain. Such a mystery, yet so profound. I really don't have an ending to this post; I guess I just wanted to ramble some thoughts. Anyways hope life is in a place of deep feeling for you.
Shawn
I have always been a crier, every since I was a little boy. My soul and spirit are very sensitive to things, and I can't watch TV without bursting into a water hose. I use to think it was a bad thing and hate the fact that I couldn't control it. I was teased a bigger part of my life because of how sensitive I was. But I have come to a place of embracing the fact that it is just who I am. Most of the time it is a weird joy-giving cry. A cry that somehow I believe is healing the wounds within.
Crying is such a weird thing, you know? Your body or mind feels something so much that it convulses and spits water from you r eyes. That you lose all composer and crumble, it is quite a mystery. The bible even says that Christ cried. I wonder what that would have sounded like. What would the God of all, sound like weeping his pain. Such a mystery, yet so profound. I really don't have an ending to this post; I guess I just wanted to ramble some thoughts. Anyways hope life is in a place of deep feeling for you.
Shawn
316
I sit tonight with a deep sadness filling my heart. Life for the last two years have been the hardest two years I can remember and for me that is saying a lot, cause I have seen a lot of hard days. I have sought help from so many places, prayer, pastors, counselors, Medication, friends. I have talked my problems out till I felt blue in the face. I refuse to let my heart die. I refuse to give up. Everywhere I go I am haunted by 3 numbers and it seems funny to even say that. how can you be haunted by numbers, but I am. It is the hotel room i am in, or the the date of the day, the time i just happen to look at the clock, the length of the new song. They won't leave me alone. At first I thought it was John 3:16 that i kept seeing but I have come to feel it is deeper than that. I feel God is say 1 John 3:16. That a man must lie down his life for another. I feel that God has been telling me to die. I feel scared and alone at times, I don't know how to die. I feel so often that no one understands and if I shared my darkest hour I feel sometimes the Love would end. I don't know why God blesses what I do for my heart is so dirty. My marriage had been far from even a swim in a ditch. It has been hard as hell, can I say that, cause that is what i truly feel. Thing is I love my wife So much yet I fail her so much. How could this war in me be so strong. How could I let the evil one hold me so hard. My heart yearns for the truth in yet it is so easy to sometimes settle, for the road of love is so hard. I still ask for prayer. I want my family. please pray for Gods mercy for my family. Is it morbid for me to ask for death even when I feel it is what I truly need? My will, my wants, my dreams, need to die. I feel so heavy yet know that I can not bare this burden on my own anymore. I fear the future. I fear the fall. I Long for your words to the father, not to me. I don't want to hear how great I am for I know the truth of my heart, I long for the birth in spirit and death in flesh. Let Christ find glory in the broken places of stinky humans.
begging
Shawn
begging
Shawn
In The Studio
here is a short clip of cutting the strings on one of the songs for the new record. hope you enjoy
shawn
shawn
Record #4
So it is that time again. We have been working away in the studio to bring you my forth record. This has got to be my favorite part of being a musician. I love the creative process and the chance to play new music. As usual I try really hard to be different and that means even from my self. I am not a fan of staying in the place of safe. I am always challenging my self to grow and be progressive. So that being said I am trying to prepare you for the record to come. It is not like any record I have made yet so far, but it is not so far you will be like "HUH!" I am extremely excited about this project. I feel that up to this far in my musical journey this is the best project I have every made. Maybe it is because I am so close to it but I really believe in the music I create. I guess you could say this project is Intellectual artsy pop. It is a bit more towards the pop side of things but I hope in a really creative form. I love melodies and hooks, yet I also so love creative thoughts that connect to our souls. So after much study and thought I am bringing you hopefully my best project yet. I will be blogging a lot about this record slowly revealing the heart and thought behind it. I will be making behind the seen videos and fun little here & there's so please keep in tune to what is to come. I hope all of you well and I pray for our hearts as the human race to find life and life to its fullest form.
Warmly,
Shawn
Warmly,
Shawn
Hangin' With Daddy
Facing Giants!
As Christmas is approaching I find myself dreading it more and more. Not that I don't like Christmas, it is by far my favorite holiday. There is something blessed about this time of year. The music is jolly, the snows a falling, everyone for the most part are in a pretty cheerful mood. The smell of the Christmas tree is grand and then all the beautiful lights, well just make this time of year very enchanting. I love Christmas and all of its cheer.
You see my memories of Christmas as a kid are just grand. We lived in this little house next door to where my grand parents live now, and I can still remember and smell the old family room where we would light the fire and put up the tree. And the sent of burning pine and Christmas tree for me is very nostalgic. My whole life we celebrated Christmas with my cousin Jeremy and Heather, my aunt and uncle, Sheri and Danny, my Grand parents, and sometimes my aunt and uncle, Debbie and Keith. We would stay in our PJ's and sit around the fire and play with what ever new thing we happened to get that year. My cousin Jeremy and I were like best friends and so to share this time with him it was very grand time. My parents on the other side of things never were around. In fact to this day I have not one memory of my mom at Christmas and only like 4 with my dad. And that being said that the last 3 years my dad has been at Christmas making only 1 memory prior to that. I dread going cause I dread facing one of the goliaths in my life. I have so much hurt and anger in my heart that seeing my dad at my favorite time of the year kind a makes it for me a hard time to be cheery. I find myself battling feeling I forgot I even had, ever time I am around him. I think it could be different if I felt like he even cared that I was his son, but he is so clueless to my life it is almost comical. I want so badly to forgive and move on, to just accept my lot and go on with my life. In fact I try really hard. When I am around him all he does is lie about everything, so much so I think that even he believes his own lies. And it is really hard to take the fact that no one really calls him out on anything. I have tried to tell him how I feel and how much he has hurt me but somehow it always just comes back to him. How nothing was his fault. Having the man that is suppose to be your father, show you nothing more than what it means to be 50 and have absolutely nothing going for yourself. To still live with mom and dad cause he can't do it on his own. To run from everything in his life and yet still pretend that life is different. Sometimes I just can't take it.
I hold my baby boy everyday and think to myself-how the hell could anyone do that to his or her child. How could someone just skip out and never look back. I tell my little boy daily that I love him, I hug him and kiss him, and at the same time I know that I don't even know what that feels like. I use to long for those things, now I guess I have come to a place that I will be what my father wasn't to me. I refuse to hurt my son this way. Sometimes I don't even want my son around him in fear that he will hurt him like he hurt me. I hate these things about my self, how angry I can be. I just don't know how to let go.
I have fallen on my face time and time again crying out for relief, crying out for healing, crying out for forgiveness, professing with my mouth that I forgive him. I have written him letters and tried talking with him and yet the wound is still very raw. I don't hate him; I am just so saddened by his life. The pain is real, and sometimes the very sight of a man loving his child can just break me in half. I sit here in the heart of my pain knowing that in order to travel through I must wait it out. I much face my goliath. I know that just the fact he is here in my life now is God saying it is time to heal this broken heart of yours. That though this is going to be hard, I am with you, I am your salvation and I am your fortress.
I pray for this season to regain its joy. I pray that my heart can be alive even when death is creeping at my door. I pray that the Birth of Christ and the birth of my own son can be the healing factors of an absent father. I pray for the guidance on becoming a true man, a godly man, a man who would die for his family and considers his own life less valuable than those he loves. Let Christ be Christmas this year!
You see my memories of Christmas as a kid are just grand. We lived in this little house next door to where my grand parents live now, and I can still remember and smell the old family room where we would light the fire and put up the tree. And the sent of burning pine and Christmas tree for me is very nostalgic. My whole life we celebrated Christmas with my cousin Jeremy and Heather, my aunt and uncle, Sheri and Danny, my Grand parents, and sometimes my aunt and uncle, Debbie and Keith. We would stay in our PJ's and sit around the fire and play with what ever new thing we happened to get that year. My cousin Jeremy and I were like best friends and so to share this time with him it was very grand time. My parents on the other side of things never were around. In fact to this day I have not one memory of my mom at Christmas and only like 4 with my dad. And that being said that the last 3 years my dad has been at Christmas making only 1 memory prior to that. I dread going cause I dread facing one of the goliaths in my life. I have so much hurt and anger in my heart that seeing my dad at my favorite time of the year kind a makes it for me a hard time to be cheery. I find myself battling feeling I forgot I even had, ever time I am around him. I think it could be different if I felt like he even cared that I was his son, but he is so clueless to my life it is almost comical. I want so badly to forgive and move on, to just accept my lot and go on with my life. In fact I try really hard. When I am around him all he does is lie about everything, so much so I think that even he believes his own lies. And it is really hard to take the fact that no one really calls him out on anything. I have tried to tell him how I feel and how much he has hurt me but somehow it always just comes back to him. How nothing was his fault. Having the man that is suppose to be your father, show you nothing more than what it means to be 50 and have absolutely nothing going for yourself. To still live with mom and dad cause he can't do it on his own. To run from everything in his life and yet still pretend that life is different. Sometimes I just can't take it.
I hold my baby boy everyday and think to myself-how the hell could anyone do that to his or her child. How could someone just skip out and never look back. I tell my little boy daily that I love him, I hug him and kiss him, and at the same time I know that I don't even know what that feels like. I use to long for those things, now I guess I have come to a place that I will be what my father wasn't to me. I refuse to hurt my son this way. Sometimes I don't even want my son around him in fear that he will hurt him like he hurt me. I hate these things about my self, how angry I can be. I just don't know how to let go.
I have fallen on my face time and time again crying out for relief, crying out for healing, crying out for forgiveness, professing with my mouth that I forgive him. I have written him letters and tried talking with him and yet the wound is still very raw. I don't hate him; I am just so saddened by his life. The pain is real, and sometimes the very sight of a man loving his child can just break me in half. I sit here in the heart of my pain knowing that in order to travel through I must wait it out. I much face my goliath. I know that just the fact he is here in my life now is God saying it is time to heal this broken heart of yours. That though this is going to be hard, I am with you, I am your salvation and I am your fortress.
I pray for this season to regain its joy. I pray that my heart can be alive even when death is creeping at my door. I pray that the Birth of Christ and the birth of my own son can be the healing factors of an absent father. I pray for the guidance on becoming a true man, a godly man, a man who would die for his family and considers his own life less valuable than those he loves. Let Christ be Christmas this year!
O Little Town of Bellefontaine!
I grew up on the west coast in a little mountain town in the heart of Oregon. I was a wild little child with an adventurous type of personality. I loved the outdoors (still do) and I spent a bigger part of my youth in the Oregon wild. I love to fish and would fish a river about a couple miles from my house called the Deschutes River, A beautiful wondrous river placed down in a rocky canyon full of browns, rainbows, and cutthroat trout. It is a hard river to access and it is fly-fishing only making it a dwelling of large fish.
I also lived on a canyon that was full of dark crevasses and caves and miles of cow country. I grew up exploring this land, dreaming up grand adventure, and all the while, trying to be a kid in the midst of the departure of my parents. I know that God was healing my heart, even though I didn't know him, through the beauty of his creation.
I lived on the west coast about 30 years and swore I would never leave. I swore I couldn't handle living somewhere where mountains & oceans didn't exist. Where stars were so many that they made a cluster of white and the air that was so dry, crisp and fresh you can hardly get enough.
It is funny how life changes and sometimes takes us to the very places we don't want to go. I am now living in Bellefontaine OH and well there are none of the things that I love here. The town just got its first coffee shop, and well that is nice but the coffee is still just average. There is never live music, little to none trout fishing, no mountains to climb and defiantly not much to do. I find my self with a lot of time on my hands. The craziest part of the whole thing is that I am the most satisfied I have been in years. I am finding that is better to be where God wants you then to be where you want to be. I am learning that God desires obedience more than sacrifice. I am also learning that I had gotten really distracted by everything around me, and had lost sight of the truest of my loves, that being Christ. I am learn to lay in the bed that Christ is putting before me and finding that his ways are so much better than mine. I have said I believe these things for years but I don't believe my belief really became a reality until I stepped forth in faith and started handing over my desires. My passion is returning, my heart is softening, my mind is strengthening, my goals are changing, and my life is becoming meaningful. If you wait to step out until you believe you might be waiting a really long time. You see if you already believed you wouldn't need faith. Faith comes before belief. Sometimes letting go is really hard to do, but let us care more about his will than our own.
"Trust in the lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
I also lived on a canyon that was full of dark crevasses and caves and miles of cow country. I grew up exploring this land, dreaming up grand adventure, and all the while, trying to be a kid in the midst of the departure of my parents. I know that God was healing my heart, even though I didn't know him, through the beauty of his creation.
I lived on the west coast about 30 years and swore I would never leave. I swore I couldn't handle living somewhere where mountains & oceans didn't exist. Where stars were so many that they made a cluster of white and the air that was so dry, crisp and fresh you can hardly get enough.
It is funny how life changes and sometimes takes us to the very places we don't want to go. I am now living in Bellefontaine OH and well there are none of the things that I love here. The town just got its first coffee shop, and well that is nice but the coffee is still just average. There is never live music, little to none trout fishing, no mountains to climb and defiantly not much to do. I find my self with a lot of time on my hands. The craziest part of the whole thing is that I am the most satisfied I have been in years. I am finding that is better to be where God wants you then to be where you want to be. I am learning that God desires obedience more than sacrifice. I am also learning that I had gotten really distracted by everything around me, and had lost sight of the truest of my loves, that being Christ. I am learn to lay in the bed that Christ is putting before me and finding that his ways are so much better than mine. I have said I believe these things for years but I don't believe my belief really became a reality until I stepped forth in faith and started handing over my desires. My passion is returning, my heart is softening, my mind is strengthening, my goals are changing, and my life is becoming meaningful. If you wait to step out until you believe you might be waiting a really long time. You see if you already believed you wouldn't need faith. Faith comes before belief. Sometimes letting go is really hard to do, but let us care more about his will than our own.
"Trust in the lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
Strangleholds and Video Tapes
"Egotism is pathological self-obsession, a reaction to anxiety about whether one really does count. It is a form of acute self-consciousness and can be prevented and healed only by the experience of being adequately loved. It is, indeed, a desperate response to frustration of the need we all have to count for something and be held to be irreplaceable, with price." Dallas Willard - The Divine Conspiracy
When I was a child I remember making up these grand ideas of how I was so great at something in order to make myself feel like I was someone. The stories I came up with were absolutely ridiculous and now thinking back on them I find them quite funny, yet sad all at the same time. For example, I use to like to tape movies, being that DVDs were not invented yet. I would be able to get 3 movies per tape and I would take such pride in the order and organization of them. I remember going on and on dreaming about how people would stumble upon my tapes and would be just blown away at how good I was at taping them. I would dream about hero moments of being hoisted up on shoulders and wondrous chants being said in name of Shawn the amazing taper. Silly I know and looking back on this I am almost embarrassed to even confess it, being how stupid it is in light of real achievement. But the truth is I wanted to just feel important. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to just know that someone thought I was all right.
I grew up with my grand parents and even though I know they loved me very much, they didn't love me the way I needed to be loved. I needed Parents that cared about my heart and while mine were off somewhere mostly likely getting high I never knew what that was like. I grew up affirming myself. I grew up dreaming grand Ideas of who I wish I were. I was never good at anything, never the kid who made it, never the athlete, never the straight A student, I was never cool, never funny, I wasn't even a good nerd, I just was. And so I would make up these, to me, glorious achievements, of how I was someone. You see I felt so unloved, or even a better way of putting it is that I felt unlovable. That was the definition I came up with to explain my parent's departure. And so I lived a bigger part of my life living in a fantasyland that took me to a place of deep self-obsession. I even to this day struggle with thoughts of self-worth. I am trying to learn how to reprogram my mind and heart. Hoping that someday that when the storms of "self-worth" flood in, the rock of "true-worth" will out weigh and I will be able to stand firm in the fact that I am uniquely made and deeply loved void of fantasy. It is one thing to say you believe these things, like being loved, but it is another to actually live in a way that proves it. I say I believe god loves me and my, oh so small life issues, but the fact I didn't have a father makes relating to "God the father" a very hard thing for me to grasp.
I have been reading "The Divine Conspiracy - By Dallas Willard". A really deep and slow read but very profound. That being said I wanted to state another quote that I think goes along the lines of reprogramming our hearts.
"So any significant change can come only by breaking the stranglehold of the ideas and concepts that automatically shunt aside Jesus, "the Prince of Life" when questions of concrete mastery of our life arise." Dallas Willard
I am finding I have lots of strangleholds. That I have grown up believing life is one way but I am finding that my believe system to quickly falling apart. That the survival modes that I used to pull my self through the pains of childhood are the very things that are killing my life and the ones I love around me today. The self-centeredness that saved my heart from dieing as a child is now my greatest enemy. I think the only hope for life is on the movement of our father to bring us out of the shell of self. It is only there that flesh and blood separate and it is by the blood that we have life.
When I was a child I remember making up these grand ideas of how I was so great at something in order to make myself feel like I was someone. The stories I came up with were absolutely ridiculous and now thinking back on them I find them quite funny, yet sad all at the same time. For example, I use to like to tape movies, being that DVDs were not invented yet. I would be able to get 3 movies per tape and I would take such pride in the order and organization of them. I remember going on and on dreaming about how people would stumble upon my tapes and would be just blown away at how good I was at taping them. I would dream about hero moments of being hoisted up on shoulders and wondrous chants being said in name of Shawn the amazing taper. Silly I know and looking back on this I am almost embarrassed to even confess it, being how stupid it is in light of real achievement. But the truth is I wanted to just feel important. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to just know that someone thought I was all right.
I grew up with my grand parents and even though I know they loved me very much, they didn't love me the way I needed to be loved. I needed Parents that cared about my heart and while mine were off somewhere mostly likely getting high I never knew what that was like. I grew up affirming myself. I grew up dreaming grand Ideas of who I wish I were. I was never good at anything, never the kid who made it, never the athlete, never the straight A student, I was never cool, never funny, I wasn't even a good nerd, I just was. And so I would make up these, to me, glorious achievements, of how I was someone. You see I felt so unloved, or even a better way of putting it is that I felt unlovable. That was the definition I came up with to explain my parent's departure. And so I lived a bigger part of my life living in a fantasyland that took me to a place of deep self-obsession. I even to this day struggle with thoughts of self-worth. I am trying to learn how to reprogram my mind and heart. Hoping that someday that when the storms of "self-worth" flood in, the rock of "true-worth" will out weigh and I will be able to stand firm in the fact that I am uniquely made and deeply loved void of fantasy. It is one thing to say you believe these things, like being loved, but it is another to actually live in a way that proves it. I say I believe god loves me and my, oh so small life issues, but the fact I didn't have a father makes relating to "God the father" a very hard thing for me to grasp.
I have been reading "The Divine Conspiracy - By Dallas Willard". A really deep and slow read but very profound. That being said I wanted to state another quote that I think goes along the lines of reprogramming our hearts.
"So any significant change can come only by breaking the stranglehold of the ideas and concepts that automatically shunt aside Jesus, "the Prince of Life" when questions of concrete mastery of our life arise." Dallas Willard
I am finding I have lots of strangleholds. That I have grown up believing life is one way but I am finding that my believe system to quickly falling apart. That the survival modes that I used to pull my self through the pains of childhood are the very things that are killing my life and the ones I love around me today. The self-centeredness that saved my heart from dieing as a child is now my greatest enemy. I think the only hope for life is on the movement of our father to bring us out of the shell of self. It is only there that flesh and blood separate and it is by the blood that we have life.
Music!
So a Couple Weeks ago I had wrote about my favorite record of the year and someone asked me to list a group of maybe ten favs. So here you go. These are 10 records that I think are stellar and yet you might not know about them. Enjoy!!!!!!
Sean Hayes
Ear Wax
Ok so take a really good look at this. What do you think it is? this is pretty stinking amazing. So for the past couple years Kate would say something to me and well, I would be like "speak up can't understand what you are saying". sometimes i would ask her to speak up more than a couple times to where she would start getting really agitated. This has been going on for forever and well I need to say sorry cause I use to blame her for mumbling . Well today Kate was telling me how she had done this ear candle thing and it was really cool, she insisted that we go and get some and try it. So Kate and I meandered down to the store and picked up a couple of these ear candles. When it comes to this kind of stuff I am always kind of skeptical and never really know if I believe it will work. With these things you lay on the ground light them on fire and just wait. kinda freaky really. I kept thinking to myself "my head is going to catch on fire." They get real hot and some how suck the wax right out of your ears. I am just proud to say that I feel like a new man. I hear so much it is almost over whelming. that brown crap is sold wax. where that was in my ear is beyond me. You must be thinking, "do you ever clean your ears?" Yesss! I clean them all the time. who knows. Anyways I will endorse ear candles till i die.
Will!
I will seek his will not his power!
A simple quote yet a really deep thought. I read it in a little book called "tale of two Kings". I have had this thought on the tip of my mind all day. In every conversation and every deed I have done today. It has been haunting me, enticing me to enter into it presence. Like the bull and the red flag, Saying I dare you to come close. I dare you to charge.
I don't know how many times I have found my self on my knees screaming out to God to change my circumstances, my feeling, my heart, my mind, my strength and so on and so on. I have cried and cried for Gods power. For him to do something, for him just to show up. I have challenged him over and over. Claiming if you are there then move. Prove your God. I have tested God, Cursed Him, even yelled at him in anger. I have sought his power over and over. I am not proud just being honest. I am amazed that God still delights in me.
I will seek his will not his power!
In 1 Corinthians 13 the chapter on love it says this-
"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but I have not love, I gain nothing. 13:2
There is a way to have the Power of God and not be in his will. We seek it all the time. Weather it be insecurities that drive us, or glory and fame or what ever. The power of god is something I think we should be carefully on asking. Sometimes he gives it. And sometimes it is the very thing that destroys us.
David was a man who sought after God and God alone. Even when Saul tried over and over to kill him, he never took his eyes off God. Through trial after trial he never cursed nor sought revenge. He trusted in the Will of his father to bring him through. He trusted that god's will was sufficient to sustain his life. He sought Gods will and in the end God raised him up made him a king gave him all his power and called him a man after his own heart. David never used the power that he was given to his gain but gave it back when the time came for his life to move on. Wow!
I am at a place in my life that the will Of God is the only thing I need. I can't even say I am here on my own, cause that would be dishonest, but more so, say God has brought me here. I have tried this Christian faith for so long on my own. I am tired and my heart is broken. My mind is numb and my legs are weak. I have failed so many times, and yet the truth is that failure is still something I will most likely find in the future. I am excepting that this brokenness that God has been taking me through is somehow for his glory. That this unraveled lump of yarn will someday be woven into a beautiful blanket. I am trusting that god is not done with me yet. That his will is not yet complete and no matter the storm I hope I can sustain the test.
God Willing
I will seek your will not your power!
A simple quote yet a really deep thought. I read it in a little book called "tale of two Kings". I have had this thought on the tip of my mind all day. In every conversation and every deed I have done today. It has been haunting me, enticing me to enter into it presence. Like the bull and the red flag, Saying I dare you to come close. I dare you to charge.
I don't know how many times I have found my self on my knees screaming out to God to change my circumstances, my feeling, my heart, my mind, my strength and so on and so on. I have cried and cried for Gods power. For him to do something, for him just to show up. I have challenged him over and over. Claiming if you are there then move. Prove your God. I have tested God, Cursed Him, even yelled at him in anger. I have sought his power over and over. I am not proud just being honest. I am amazed that God still delights in me.
I will seek his will not his power!
In 1 Corinthians 13 the chapter on love it says this-
"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but I have not love, I gain nothing. 13:2
There is a way to have the Power of God and not be in his will. We seek it all the time. Weather it be insecurities that drive us, or glory and fame or what ever. The power of god is something I think we should be carefully on asking. Sometimes he gives it. And sometimes it is the very thing that destroys us.
David was a man who sought after God and God alone. Even when Saul tried over and over to kill him, he never took his eyes off God. Through trial after trial he never cursed nor sought revenge. He trusted in the Will of his father to bring him through. He trusted that god's will was sufficient to sustain his life. He sought Gods will and in the end God raised him up made him a king gave him all his power and called him a man after his own heart. David never used the power that he was given to his gain but gave it back when the time came for his life to move on. Wow!
I am at a place in my life that the will Of God is the only thing I need. I can't even say I am here on my own, cause that would be dishonest, but more so, say God has brought me here. I have tried this Christian faith for so long on my own. I am tired and my heart is broken. My mind is numb and my legs are weak. I have failed so many times, and yet the truth is that failure is still something I will most likely find in the future. I am excepting that this brokenness that God has been taking me through is somehow for his glory. That this unraveled lump of yarn will someday be woven into a beautiful blanket. I am trusting that god is not done with me yet. That his will is not yet complete and no matter the storm I hope I can sustain the test.
God Willing
I will seek your will not your power!
Love!
Hang my locket around your neck,
Wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing-
It sweeps everything before it.
Floodwaters can't drown love,
Torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold-
It's not to be found in the marketplace."
Song of Songs 8: 6-7
I am kind of awed by this passage. I came across it yesterday and was kind of stopped dead in my tracks. I have been studying love a lot lately, mostly because it is something I am not very good at. Jesus said it was the only way. That all else is nothing without it. The scriptures even go, as far as to say that god is love. My whole life I grew up thinking love was a feeling. Something that happens within me, but what I am learning is that it has nothing to do with any of that. It is something we are, a way of life. Jesus said we must die to ourselves, take up our own cross, and follow. In essence I believe he was saying that we must become love. Love is selfless. It is for the good of others. Take a look at "1 Corinthians 13"
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then; see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three thing to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
1 Corinthians 13
Can I pray?
Jesus we are taken by your ways of life. I pray for you to take us deep into the essence of love. Let it become our way. Let it flood our minds and our hearts. Let it impassionate us. Let it become more than words on our tong. Let it consume us like a blazing fire and engulf everything around us. Transform us into what brings you glory. Transform us into your very essence and that is LOVE! Thanks and amen
Wear my ring on your finger.
Love is invincible facing danger and death.
Passion laughs at the terrors of hell.
The fire of love stops at nothing-
It sweeps everything before it.
Floodwaters can't drown love,
Torrents of rain can't put it out.
Love can't be bought, love can't be sold-
It's not to be found in the marketplace."
Song of Songs 8: 6-7
I am kind of awed by this passage. I came across it yesterday and was kind of stopped dead in my tracks. I have been studying love a lot lately, mostly because it is something I am not very good at. Jesus said it was the only way. That all else is nothing without it. The scriptures even go, as far as to say that god is love. My whole life I grew up thinking love was a feeling. Something that happens within me, but what I am learning is that it has nothing to do with any of that. It is something we are, a way of life. Jesus said we must die to ourselves, take up our own cross, and follow. In essence I believe he was saying that we must become love. Love is selfless. It is for the good of others. Take a look at "1 Corinthians 13"
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good. We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then; see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three thing to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
1 Corinthians 13
Can I pray?
Jesus we are taken by your ways of life. I pray for you to take us deep into the essence of love. Let it become our way. Let it flood our minds and our hearts. Let it impassionate us. Let it become more than words on our tong. Let it consume us like a blazing fire and engulf everything around us. Transform us into what brings you glory. Transform us into your very essence and that is LOVE! Thanks and amen
My Music Pick of the Year
So I consider myself to be a quite the music junky. I play music for a profession but I listen to music any chance i have. I like all kinds of music. Music is the way to the human heart if you ask me. Nothing speaks louder and nothing penetrates the walls that we build. I constantly am finding new music and most records are just a fad for me. I listen for a while then it grows old and I move on. There are just a few who really stick. those who's songs go beyond the melody's of life and become a sound track of the soul. I would have to say this is my pick of the year. "Bon Iver" it is not my normal pick of music cause it is kinda hard to even understand what he is saying. I love deep lyrics. but there is a mood to this record. something very haunting, and lovely. It is not a pop record and it won't make you move. It is a beautiful piece of art and one of the soundtracks I believe will be with me for life. I love the whole record but "stacks" is my favorite. it is near the end. cheers and enjoy
Roots!
Roots!
Well the time is about to come to an end, for the ever so long release of my new record Roots. Thanks you so much for your patience and grace, to allow us to get this record ready for your ears. I am so excited about this record. I don't know that I have ever been so excited about a piece of art, like I am of this one. As an artist there is always a fine line of how artistic you take it and how accessible you make it. There is so much music and I guess you could say I strive to make music that is different and not your everyday "I heard that before" type of music. The problem with this is you can make music that is so "different" that it loses its ability to woo the heart. I honestly feel that this record is going to do both, at least I hope as much :).
I took a really different approach to this record than I have in the past. As much as any of us would like to say pride doesn't exist in our lives, that truth is probably a lie. We all have it to point. As I have grown as an artist I have had to weed this plague from my heart and mind. I use to want only my name on a record. What I mean by this is that I wanted to be the "songwriter" of all my songs. A weird legitimacy that says I am a true musician, and if you don't believe me then just look at the credits. This for me was a pride thing. I didn't just want to be another pop guy that someone else created. I really wanted to be an artist. And I believe because of this mind set it really held me back from really being a great songwriter. Not that would be my title now :), but there is always hope.
Now to get to the different approach, what I did different in this record is, I went into it with willingness and a wanting to grow. I really wanted to make the best Record that I could and if that meant listening to outside voices then that was something I needed to do. I asked if I could start writing with other writers, and so went the journey of this record. There is are some who are self made, or at least they claim, but I am a firm believer that we sharpen one another. That with out each other we would never know what it is we need to change.
I hope that this record will challenge you way of life, deepen the way you love, and draw you closer to the one I love. I am really excited for you to be a part of this journey with me. Let us set our roots in fertile soil that we might be like trees near streams of water.
Cheers
Shawn
I took a really different approach to this record than I have in the past. As much as any of us would like to say pride doesn't exist in our lives, that truth is probably a lie. We all have it to point. As I have grown as an artist I have had to weed this plague from my heart and mind. I use to want only my name on a record. What I mean by this is that I wanted to be the "songwriter" of all my songs. A weird legitimacy that says I am a true musician, and if you don't believe me then just look at the credits. This for me was a pride thing. I didn't just want to be another pop guy that someone else created. I really wanted to be an artist. And I believe because of this mind set it really held me back from really being a great songwriter. Not that would be my title now :), but there is always hope.
Now to get to the different approach, what I did different in this record is, I went into it with willingness and a wanting to grow. I really wanted to make the best Record that I could and if that meant listening to outside voices then that was something I needed to do. I asked if I could start writing with other writers, and so went the journey of this record. There is are some who are self made, or at least they claim, but I am a firm believer that we sharpen one another. That with out each other we would never know what it is we need to change.
I hope that this record will challenge you way of life, deepen the way you love, and draw you closer to the one I love. I am really excited for you to be a part of this journey with me. Let us set our roots in fertile soil that we might be like trees near streams of water.
Cheers
Shawn
Friday
Winter!
Current mood: melting
Category: melting Life
Well I do believe winter is upon us. The reality hit me this morning as I stepped from the cozy warmth of the indoors to the piercing cold of the out. 35º should be illegal. Ha, if only it was that easy. Some of you are probably thinking 35º is nothing, but to this Seattle boy, that is a freezing day, and to my knowledge the cold is just beginning. So I guess it is time to pull out the wool and long johns. This also means I am going to probably have to start wearing shoes. Boo to shoes. I pride fully try to pretend that my feet aren't getting cold in my flips, but truth be told my toes are numb, and I guess it is time to humble myself and admit the cold has defeated my pride.
Now it has been awhile since I last wrote. I go through seasons all the time where the spring is here and the water is flowing, and then like the winter that I found today, it comes and the lake freezes over holding my water within. So yeah you could say the winter has been here for a couple months now.
I had wrote a while back and talked about explaining songs off the new record "Roots" and well there is a song on the record called "Winter". How appropriate is that. So the rest of this blog will be about that.
Winter is the time where everything dies and almost goes into a sleep of sorts. The leaves fall, the flowers fade, the colors mute, the air becomes brittle, the animals hibernate, and the water turns to ice. Life seems to just fade.
I find this very thing called "winter", happening sometimes in my own heart. The cold moves in, the hardness comes, the distance happens, the love becomes dormant. All the life with in me seems to just die, or as winter would put it, it becomes frozen.
I am learning that the only thing that cures my cold, is allowing the Sun to melt it away. That it is the very essence of God that warms the inner most places within. That when we let his warm light in, it melts away the cold darkness, and out of the heart the spring once again comes forth and the water erupts.
Sometimes I feel like winter. Cold I feel,
Icicles a hanging, and it Hard to tell what is real
Cold winter, cold winter day
Frost on the windshield, making it hard to see
The air is like slivers, and it's hard to breath
Cold winter, cold winter day
Warm me up inside
And let your face from me not hide
Cause your are what I long to find
To melt this cold heart of mine
Cause when you are around
I am found
I feel like the prodigal, a wondering weary son,
Gone in search for something beautiful, something to make me one
Cold winter, cold winter day
The world is full of lies that will only rob you blind
Hit ya when you are not looking, steal away your time
Cold winter, cold winter day
Warm me up inside
And let your face from me not hide
Cause your are what I long to find
To melt this cold heart of mine
Cause when you are around
I am found
Current mood: melting
Category: melting Life
Well I do believe winter is upon us. The reality hit me this morning as I stepped from the cozy warmth of the indoors to the piercing cold of the out. 35º should be illegal. Ha, if only it was that easy. Some of you are probably thinking 35º is nothing, but to this Seattle boy, that is a freezing day, and to my knowledge the cold is just beginning. So I guess it is time to pull out the wool and long johns. This also means I am going to probably have to start wearing shoes. Boo to shoes. I pride fully try to pretend that my feet aren't getting cold in my flips, but truth be told my toes are numb, and I guess it is time to humble myself and admit the cold has defeated my pride.
Now it has been awhile since I last wrote. I go through seasons all the time where the spring is here and the water is flowing, and then like the winter that I found today, it comes and the lake freezes over holding my water within. So yeah you could say the winter has been here for a couple months now.
I had wrote a while back and talked about explaining songs off the new record "Roots" and well there is a song on the record called "Winter". How appropriate is that. So the rest of this blog will be about that.
Winter is the time where everything dies and almost goes into a sleep of sorts. The leaves fall, the flowers fade, the colors mute, the air becomes brittle, the animals hibernate, and the water turns to ice. Life seems to just fade.
I find this very thing called "winter", happening sometimes in my own heart. The cold moves in, the hardness comes, the distance happens, the love becomes dormant. All the life with in me seems to just die, or as winter would put it, it becomes frozen.
I am learning that the only thing that cures my cold, is allowing the Sun to melt it away. That it is the very essence of God that warms the inner most places within. That when we let his warm light in, it melts away the cold darkness, and out of the heart the spring once again comes forth and the water erupts.
Sometimes I feel like winter. Cold I feel,
Icicles a hanging, and it Hard to tell what is real
Cold winter, cold winter day
Frost on the windshield, making it hard to see
The air is like slivers, and it's hard to breath
Cold winter, cold winter day
Warm me up inside
And let your face from me not hide
Cause your are what I long to find
To melt this cold heart of mine
Cause when you are around
I am found
I feel like the prodigal, a wondering weary son,
Gone in search for something beautiful, something to make me one
Cold winter, cold winter day
The world is full of lies that will only rob you blind
Hit ya when you are not looking, steal away your time
Cold winter, cold winter day
Warm me up inside
And let your face from me not hide
Cause your are what I long to find
To melt this cold heart of mine
Cause when you are around
I am found
Where O Where
Sorry for my sudden disappearance as of late. My life got a little crazy for a bit and well now I am just getting back to the calm.
I am no longer living in Seattle. Such a sad thought yet it is still good. I told my self over and over again that I would never leave the northwest. I love it there, the mountains, the ocean, the rivers and the culture. It is one of the most beautiful of places and I guess you could say it is rather fond to my heart. But the facts are that I have never lived anywhere else so I am kind of up for a change in pace.
I arrived in Ohio about a week or so ago and despite the many corn fields and lack of coffee shops, I kind a like it here, quite, peaceful, and well just a slow way of living. I get so consumed with everything going on around me that sometimes I forget the importance in slowing down and letting the silence pierce my soul. It is amazing to me how much louder Gods voice becomes when we turn down the volume of life.
I can't say how amazing it was to see my family. I had missed them so much, My beautiful wife and her glowing blue eyes. To lay eyes on the love of my life was well the calming of a long and windy storm. I thank God for giving me such a beautifully strong women. I love her more and more all the time.
My little boy is growing like a bean stock. He is my chubby little monkey of pure baby joy J It is somewhat amazing how fat he is, being he was 4 pounds 8 ounces when he was born. I have found that one of my greatest joys is holding him on my chest and watching him sleep. Being a father is something I never knew I needed. I love it. Anyways I just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive and will be trying to keep the blogs coming.
Cheers
I am no longer living in Seattle. Such a sad thought yet it is still good. I told my self over and over again that I would never leave the northwest. I love it there, the mountains, the ocean, the rivers and the culture. It is one of the most beautiful of places and I guess you could say it is rather fond to my heart. But the facts are that I have never lived anywhere else so I am kind of up for a change in pace.
I arrived in Ohio about a week or so ago and despite the many corn fields and lack of coffee shops, I kind a like it here, quite, peaceful, and well just a slow way of living. I get so consumed with everything going on around me that sometimes I forget the importance in slowing down and letting the silence pierce my soul. It is amazing to me how much louder Gods voice becomes when we turn down the volume of life.
I can't say how amazing it was to see my family. I had missed them so much, My beautiful wife and her glowing blue eyes. To lay eyes on the love of my life was well the calming of a long and windy storm. I thank God for giving me such a beautifully strong women. I love her more and more all the time.
My little boy is growing like a bean stock. He is my chubby little monkey of pure baby joy J It is somewhat amazing how fat he is, being he was 4 pounds 8 ounces when he was born. I have found that one of my greatest joys is holding him on my chest and watching him sleep. Being a father is something I never knew I needed. I love it. Anyways I just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive and will be trying to keep the blogs coming.
Cheers
Hope!
Hope I guess the word of the day. I have been sifting this word now for a while and trying to wrap my head around it. Trying to put sense to its presence in my life.
I am discovering that this one word is the driving force of my life, that without it I find my self with no meaning really at all. Hope really is the driving force to all of our lives. It is what gets us up in the morning. It is what takes us from one place to the next. It in a sense a road map to our discovery what it means to truly live.
I find it so hard for me to believe in just existence, because if all we do is just exist then what is left to hope. If the fact is, that we are what are, and there is no meaning to it, then why do I even go on. What is the point. There is no reason for discovery, or mystery or anything else. We would just be.
Hope: to have a wish to get or do something or for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely ? I would add, things impossible or unlikely
1. a feeling that something desirable is likely to happen
2. a chance that something desirable will happen or be possible
3. something that somebody wants to have or do or wants to happen or be true
4. somebody or something that seems likely to bring success or relief
5. a feeling of trust (archaic)
these are the definitions that my dictionary gave me to hope. The chance for better days, really.
I believe hope is one of the most important things we can own. We should at all cost, no matter the pain, never let it die. Cause when it does, I believe our hearts die as well. With a dead heart comes a dead soul.
I am a very hopeful human being. I believe there is hope. I believe there is meaning. It is what drives me. I would also go as far as to say that I KNOW there is hope, that it has proven its self to me time and time again. I also believe in you and I choose to impart my hope in you for the sake of seeing you find life. I hope for you. I pray for you. I would even say I love you.
I am discovering that this one word is the driving force of my life, that without it I find my self with no meaning really at all. Hope really is the driving force to all of our lives. It is what gets us up in the morning. It is what takes us from one place to the next. It in a sense a road map to our discovery what it means to truly live.
I find it so hard for me to believe in just existence, because if all we do is just exist then what is left to hope. If the fact is, that we are what are, and there is no meaning to it, then why do I even go on. What is the point. There is no reason for discovery, or mystery or anything else. We would just be.
Hope: to have a wish to get or do something or for something to happen or be true, especially something that seems possible or likely ? I would add, things impossible or unlikely
1. a feeling that something desirable is likely to happen
2. a chance that something desirable will happen or be possible
3. something that somebody wants to have or do or wants to happen or be true
4. somebody or something that seems likely to bring success or relief
5. a feeling of trust (archaic)
these are the definitions that my dictionary gave me to hope. The chance for better days, really.
I believe hope is one of the most important things we can own. We should at all cost, no matter the pain, never let it die. Cause when it does, I believe our hearts die as well. With a dead heart comes a dead soul.
I am a very hopeful human being. I believe there is hope. I believe there is meaning. It is what drives me. I would also go as far as to say that I KNOW there is hope, that it has proven its self to me time and time again. I also believe in you and I choose to impart my hope in you for the sake of seeing you find life. I hope for you. I pray for you. I would even say I love you.
A Playboy and a Cave
Caught your intention didn't I. Well that was what I was trying to do. I am going to tell you a story that is as real as it gets: A story that is set in the youth of my life.
When I was younger I would go on grand adventures in the battle lands of my back yard. I lived on a canyon and would explore, explore, explore. On this sunny hot Oregon day I didn't realize the impact it would have on the rest of my life.
I was playing as usual and stumbled upon a cave that I had never explored. So being the curious little bugger I am I went spelunking. This cave was one of the best I had found and went in quite deep. I really couldn't see real well cause it was dark, but something caught my eye while I was in there. I could see something stashed up in the crack of one of the sides. Little did I know how this find would change my way of life forever. As I went over to check it out, I discovered it was a magazine of some sorts. So I grabbed it and headed out side to see what I had found. When I open its pages I found something that was so foreign to me, pictures of nude women.
Now being an 11-year-old kid this was well a quite shocking find. I had never seen a naked woman before and was quite fascinated with the sight of one. Something moved inside of me that I had never felt. A weird longing, and a weird attraction.
I was a bit sheltered as a kid and my grand parents were kind of afraid to talk about these things with me. I guess it was just the whole generational gap between us. But as the facts come in, I really didn't know what to do with this awkward find. So I keep it hidden. I didn't know that this one encounter would affect my heart the way it did.
As I grew older this hidden attraction never left and I found my self addicted to these things. It was easy I guess, I was shy and I liked what I saw and there for it required nothing of me. I could feel intimate with a woman and not have to do anything. I didn't have to be a man.
This battle has been one of the hardest I have ever faced but it is so worth it. As I learn of love I also learn of lust. The two do not exist together. I know this is one of the greatest struggles for a man and in this day and age it is so easy to find. I know it is easy to hide as well. I also know it destroys your heart and numbs you to love.
I wanted to bring this up and be one who leads in it. I want to challenge boys to stand and be men. I know the struggle and I know the destruction it brings. I know the guilt and the dirty way it leaves you feeling.
I also know there is a way out. That this is something that can be overcome. It is a vulnerable place for me and feels crazy that I am sharing it. I also need to follow the leading of God and this is where I believe he has lead my blog today. But I know this struggle is real and I also know it must be faced.
The eyes are a lamp to our soul. We need to be careful what we put in them. Cause it really affects us and our hearts. I am going to give you a website that is all about this. I encourage you to down load the program you find, and find someone who will keep you accountable for this. I believe that in acting on this and confession that this is something we can overcome. I don't care who you are and how strong you think you are, it is in that pride that we fall. This is a problem that should be destroyed.
Sometimes it helps me to think of the girls who pose this way and to consider their hearts. I know that really all they are wanting is love and they like anyone else who is deceived into thinking this is the way about it. The more I grow here the more it pains my heart that I could at one time be part of this problem. As I grow in love I am starting to see differently. I feel for the heart of those stuck here. It is a deadly place. One of the deadliest in my opinion cause it kills the heart.
Stand up with me.
http://www.x3watch.com/
cheers
When I was younger I would go on grand adventures in the battle lands of my back yard. I lived on a canyon and would explore, explore, explore. On this sunny hot Oregon day I didn't realize the impact it would have on the rest of my life.
I was playing as usual and stumbled upon a cave that I had never explored. So being the curious little bugger I am I went spelunking. This cave was one of the best I had found and went in quite deep. I really couldn't see real well cause it was dark, but something caught my eye while I was in there. I could see something stashed up in the crack of one of the sides. Little did I know how this find would change my way of life forever. As I went over to check it out, I discovered it was a magazine of some sorts. So I grabbed it and headed out side to see what I had found. When I open its pages I found something that was so foreign to me, pictures of nude women.
Now being an 11-year-old kid this was well a quite shocking find. I had never seen a naked woman before and was quite fascinated with the sight of one. Something moved inside of me that I had never felt. A weird longing, and a weird attraction.
I was a bit sheltered as a kid and my grand parents were kind of afraid to talk about these things with me. I guess it was just the whole generational gap between us. But as the facts come in, I really didn't know what to do with this awkward find. So I keep it hidden. I didn't know that this one encounter would affect my heart the way it did.
As I grew older this hidden attraction never left and I found my self addicted to these things. It was easy I guess, I was shy and I liked what I saw and there for it required nothing of me. I could feel intimate with a woman and not have to do anything. I didn't have to be a man.
This battle has been one of the hardest I have ever faced but it is so worth it. As I learn of love I also learn of lust. The two do not exist together. I know this is one of the greatest struggles for a man and in this day and age it is so easy to find. I know it is easy to hide as well. I also know it destroys your heart and numbs you to love.
I wanted to bring this up and be one who leads in it. I want to challenge boys to stand and be men. I know the struggle and I know the destruction it brings. I know the guilt and the dirty way it leaves you feeling.
I also know there is a way out. That this is something that can be overcome. It is a vulnerable place for me and feels crazy that I am sharing it. I also need to follow the leading of God and this is where I believe he has lead my blog today. But I know this struggle is real and I also know it must be faced.
The eyes are a lamp to our soul. We need to be careful what we put in them. Cause it really affects us and our hearts. I am going to give you a website that is all about this. I encourage you to down load the program you find, and find someone who will keep you accountable for this. I believe that in acting on this and confession that this is something we can overcome. I don't care who you are and how strong you think you are, it is in that pride that we fall. This is a problem that should be destroyed.
Sometimes it helps me to think of the girls who pose this way and to consider their hearts. I know that really all they are wanting is love and they like anyone else who is deceived into thinking this is the way about it. The more I grow here the more it pains my heart that I could at one time be part of this problem. As I grow in love I am starting to see differently. I feel for the heart of those stuck here. It is a deadly place. One of the deadliest in my opinion cause it kills the heart.
Stand up with me.
http://www.x3watch.com/
cheers